The Forgotten Foundation of Fatherhood

A Forgotten Foundation of Fatherhood—Love Their Mother Well

THE FOUNDATION

Before I became their dad, I was her husband.
Every day, my kids learn what love, respect, leadership, and grace look like by watching how I treat their mom.

I don’t always get it right. I’ve been impatient, distracted, and selfish.
But I’ve also learned that how I respond in those moments matters just as much—sometimes more—than achieving perfection.

The husband I am sets the standard for what my sons will aspire to be and what my daughter will expect from a man. That truth sobers me; it also motivates me.

BIBLICAL ROOTS

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” ESV
That’s the standard: not comfort, not fairness, not convenience—sacrificial, servant-hearted love.

Christ laid down His life for His bride. My daily calling as a father is to model that kind of love for my children.

PRACTICAL WAYS I’M LEARNING TO LOVE HER WELL

1. Speak well of her—in public and in private.
   My kids hear how I talk to her, but they also notice how I talk about her. Do I honor her or tear her down?

2. Serve her before she asks.
   It’s easy to tune out after a long day. But stepping in to wash dishes, change a diaper, or encourage her soul isn’t extra—it’s fatherhood in action.

3. Date her.
   I acknowledge that this is my biggest challenge. What I'm sharing speaks to my hopes more than my present circumstances. We have three kids, all under five, including twin boys who are two and a half. This period in our lives is marked by sacrifice and hard work. Still, we must strive to carve out time for one another. Sharing simple moments can show our children that love is ever-present and worth seeking.

4. Be affectionate in front of the kids.
   A kiss on the cheek, a hand on the back, or a playful moment—all of these make our home feel warm and safe.

5. Pray for her.
   I want my children to see me as a man who lifts up their mother in prayer, not just when things are hard, but always.

CLOSING REFLECTION

I’ll never be a perfect father. But I can be a present, faithful, loving one.
And that starts by loving my wife well.

Your kids don’t just need a dad.
They need a man who models Christ’s love by the way he treats their mother—when it’s easy and when it costs something.

That’s where legacy starts. That’s where fatherhood begins.

CALL TO ACTION

What’s one small way you can love your child’s mother better today?

Whether you’re married, divorced, or co-parenting—every child benefits when their dad shows respect, honor, and love.

Drop me an email and let me know what this looks like in your life. Let’s grow together.

—A. West