Be Present and Attentive

I’ll be honest—I get distracted. Quite easily, actually.

Between work, responsibilities, noise, screens, hobbies and the never-ending to-do list, it’s easy to be physically in the room… and mentally somewhere else. Chess.com I'm looking at you.

But I’ve learned (mostly from my wife) something that has changed the way I father: Presence > perfection.

My kids don’t need me to be flawless. They need me to be fully here. And when I’m present, attentive, and engaged, I become the anchor their little hearts are looking for.

THE DANGER OF DISTRACTION

We live in a world that rewards hustle and constant connection—but ironically, it can leave us disconnected from the people who matter most.

Our kids can sense when we’re distracted. They know when we’re half-listening, when our eyes are on a screen instead of their face, when we nod but don’t hear them. And over time, they stop reaching for us.
Not out of rebellion, but because they’ve learned we’re not really there.

THE BIBLICAL CALL TO PRESENCE

Proverbs 20:7 says:

“The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him.” ESV

That’s what presence looks like. It’s not just being in the room, or giving them only moments of your time, it’s walking in integrity, day after day, in front of your children. It’s choosing faithfulness over flash, consistency over charisma.

In other words, be with them in the everyday moments.
Teaching them, walking with them, listening to them, noticing them.
It’s not about grand gestures, it’s about daily presence. This proverb doesn’t promise outcomes, but it does remind us that the daily integrity of a father leaves a lasting imprint on his children.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO BE A PRESENT FATHER

Here are ways I’m trying (and sometimes failing) to practice this kind of fatherhood:

1. Put down the phone.

The most radical thing a dad can do in 2025 might be to turn off notifications and look his child in the eyes.

2. Make eye contact.

When they speak, stop what you’re doing—even for just a few seconds—and give them your full attention. It communicates You matter. I see you. And for one of my sons who is just learning to speak, this means repeating the word he is trying to say, not just acknowledging that he spoke.

3. Get on their level.

Kneel down. Sit on the floor. Enter their world instead of always calling them into yours.

4. Schedule one-on-one time.

Whether it’s a Saturday donut run or a 10-minute bedtime chat, find rhythms to be with each child individually.

5. Create tech-free zones.

Dinner, car rides, bedtime—make these sacred spaces for conversation and connection. And trust me, I know how easy that is to say, and difficult it is to live out.

6. Listen without correcting.

Not every moment is a teaching moment. Sometimes, your child just needs to be heard.

WHY IT MATTERS

Being present isn’t about perfection. You’ll still mess up. You’ll still have days when you’re tired, short-tempered, and distracted.

But if you consistently show up… If you make space to see your children, hear them, laugh with them, and walk beside them… You’ll shape them more deeply than any lecture or lesson ever could.

Your attention is one of the most powerful forces in their life.

CLOSING REFLECTION

I’m not trying to be the busiest, most accomplished man my kids know.
I’m trying to be the most available.

Because no matter what I accomplish in the world—if I lose their hearts, I’ve lost too much.

I want to be the dad who shows up, who listens, who’s there when they look up. Always.

CALL TO ACTION

Q: What’s one small way you can be more present today?

A: Put your phone down. Make eye contact. Ask a question and really listen.
Then come back and share what happened.

—A. West